Added: Duyen Rigdon - Date: 18.10.2021 19:14 - Views: 46377 - Clicks: 9206
Posted July 10, Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. In every phase of life, and in every new situation, each person must continuously choose between security and predictability on the one hand, and the hunger for adventure and challenge on the other. If individuals have too much security, they can fall prey to a deadly trance of comfortable monotony that dulls the mind and kills the spirit.
If, on the other hand, they live a life of continuous challenge and adventure, they may severely deplete their resources and live in unpredictable chaos. The optimum goal for each person is to find the best balance between the two choices. That process is difficult enough for individuals when they have only themselves to consider. When they enter into an intimate relationship, they must mutually balance their conflicts with their ificant other. The partners in a new relationship are initially very willing to embrace whatever adventures their interaction may bring.
They are attracted to the challenge of discovering each other, and continuously experience Married attached bored need an adventure thoughts, actions, and feelings. Not yet attached to whether the relationship will last, their needs for the comfort of security are not yet a consideration. As they get to know each other and that rate of new discovery slows, the partners become more concerned about the relationship's future. One or both partners limit any threatening personal transformations and reward each other instead for predictable interactions.
They become partners who strive to accept each other's limitations rather than challenge them. Their initial explorations into unknown territory fall into sleep mode as the partners let the past define the future, and see those chosen limitations as true and lasting love. These kinds of comments are what most romantic idealists would savor. Unfortunately, they maintain the trance state that can discourage further relationship growth. The partners saying them to each other believe that their familiarity and predictability more than compensates for the loss of the of excitement they once so avidly pursued.
The intimacy of security has replaced the thrill of discovery, and made them vulnerable to losing the love they have created.
When people have given up challenge and discovery in exchange for security, they are in danger of investing less energy because the relationship does not demand it. Instead, the partners develop predictable verbal and physical rituals. As a result, they stop sharing any ideas that might threaten what they are protecting. Too much predictability can lead to indifference. Over time, apathy can turn to exasperation, annoyance, and irritation. The security that once was their protective castle now becomes their prison. They have unwittingly become bored and boring to each other.
The couple often does not realize their problems stem from the boredom they have unwittingly created. Bickering over minimally offensive issues can grow into dramatic challenges. The couple may suspect that their presented complaints are not the real problem, but they are no longer able to understand what may be the underlying cause. The real problem often turns out to be the discovery they have lost. They have accepted a life without emerging newness. Though mutually committed to life's external challenges, they have become uninterested in their relationship. Security is sweet. The partners in established relationships are comfortable knowing what to expect and able to handle whatever situations evolve.
The ordinary struggles of life are enough for the partners to combat together, and unexpected ones are uncomfortably challenging. When I ask them why they chose security over discovery, they tell me that they appreciate the closeness and the lessened energy it requires.
They are less anxious when they do not have to be constantly on their toes, waiting for the next challenge. New lovers are devoted to continuous discovery. They explore each other's bodies, hearts, minds, and memories with excitement and intensity, searching for ever-new ways to and intertwine. Each fresh discovery is stored and archived for future reference. They revel in their ability to second-guess whatever their partner's desires are, and feel deeply satisfied when they succeed. They do not see predictability as a precursor to boredom; they see it as a well-traveled path to mutual comfort.
Each partner is in constant transformation, alive and open to every new experience. Both are emotionally responsive, constantly sending messages of hope and approval. They share constantly moving and passionate emotional earthquakes, enjoying their constant surprises. They support each other's dreamscreate new ones together, and become capable of things neither could do alone. New lovers generate mutual aliveness together.
Their innate love of the hunt combined with their lust-filled physical connections drives them into the deepest recesses of new experience. Their pupils dilate and their bodies tingle with adrenalin. They are just-outside-of-reach fascinating prey to each other, adding energy to every new discovery.
Along with their excitement of the hunt, the partners feel anxiety and insecurity. They are understandably concerned that their new connection will not hold its intensity. The more they fall in love, the more they fear the possible pain of the relationship's potential ending. That fear drives them away from risking new thoughts or behaviors, and pushes them to seek comfort and security instead. Before, the lovers reveled in the constant newness of their experiences.
Now they want Married attached bored need an adventure know that their partners will love them forever. To ensure that outcome, both begin to hide thoughts, feelings, or actions that could drive their lovers away.
They offer only what they believe will be accepted, and stop searching for any new knowledge that would risk their partner's rejection. The hunt is over and the partners are drawn into ritualized, predictable, and less interesting interactions.
Many committed couples find frustration in their counseling when they cannot seem to get to the core of their heartaches. Each time they resolve what they believe is the true problem, one or the other comes up with a new complaint. If boredom has become the underlying issue, it typically emerges in these disillusioning interactions.
The partners, unable to tolerate the hidden loss of passion, are often serial bickerers, fighting over seemingly useless, energy-draining issues. Their boredom has transformed into hostility, a pseudo-passion replacing any real intimacy.
They are tired to examine their motivations or to find a way to do things differently, and they are no longer interested in each other's opinions or feelings. When asked for time or interest, they often respond in irritated comebacks. Most of the couples I see would never have spoken to each other like this in the beginning. They would have wanted to understand, cared about how their partner felt and why, and been motivated to find successful solutions to conflicts.
They've asked for help. They want to feel better. They even want to fall in love again, and don't understand what has Married attached bored need an adventure wrong. If you and your partner fight over trivial issues, react curtly to each other, or go long periods without talking, what can you do to regenerate interest in each other? There are three steps you need to take:. Evaluate how far you have allowed your relationship to get out of balance.
Assess your motivation to change. Recreate your initial desire for discovery. Answer the following questions and score your responses. When you have completed your answers, ask your partner to do the same. Then share your answers with each other. Feel free to stop between each answer if either of you need to ask why, or how, you came to that conclusion. A score of means you are not as bored as you thought. A score of means you are in the zone of concern. A score of is inching closer to diminishing interest in each other. A score of is a ificant warning that your relationship is in trouble.
If either of you is concerned about your scores, your nest step is to evaluate your level of motivation to turn things around. You may feel like you won't see any changes no matter what, but when you try, your attitude will change, even with small differences.Married attached bored need an adventure
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Here’s Exactly Why You Get Bored Easily In Relationships