Married husband away need some fun and cash

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Guardian readers shared their experiences. A survey of about 1, Americans found that one in 10 would describe their partner as a financial bully. Our readers, however, insist that that might be a label easily ased to a partner who is simply being financially responsible.

Sharing a life together and a bank means both parties get to be involved in spending decisions. And monitoring how much both people are spending is good practice. There's nothing wrong with checking in, making sure that both parties in a relationship know how much they can spend on XY or Z. I often look at charges and ask my husband what they are. Mostly, to make sure that anything unusual is not fraud.

Secondly, if there is a huge charge for something we didn't discuss, to make sure he knows what our budget is and to stay within it.

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My husband often does not know what is in our bankflies off on work, spends a large amount of money on dinner and drinks, and then leaves me scrimping on grocery bills. Does that make me a bully if I check our balance and warn him if his spending is going over the budget? You know, we also have rent and food to pay for, and only one bank between us, of which I am the larger earner. My husband should feel ashamed if he blows our budget on expensive meals or jeans.

Just as I should feel ashamed if I go out on a shopping spree that prevents us from buying food.

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Where does necessary budgeting and monitoring end, and bullying begin? Finally I got sick of being behind on rent and always running out of money for food, and put my foot down. I made a budget of all his personal spending, and finally I had to make him choose between taxis to work and lunch at restaurants, which felt bizarre and incredibly uncomfortable for me.

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A reader from Arkansas says she was financially bullied by her then-husband for years:. A few years after we were married, my ex-husband developed a drug abuse problem.

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I was balancing the checkbook every month. He would take money out of our s to buy and sell drugs and not tell me. He spent all of our money and ran the credit cards up to the max. The agreement was that I would pay off the family card and he would pay off the business card.

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Of course, he never did and the creditors came after me — I wound up paying both of them off. My credit was wrecked for seven years. I have and it certainly was bullying. Been there too. She was serious. She would get hysterical whenever I bought a magazine yet she felt she could blow hundreds in one shopping spree on whatever she felt like having. I am in an arranged marriage, to a man who is self-made after a struggled childhood, with disregarded needs, as defined above. However, unless purchases are made to his own liking, he is extremely tight with money. For many years into my marriage — around five — I had no say in the type of food I ate or clothes I wore.

My clothes came from Walmart or Value City. If an eggplant spoiled in the refrigerator, the spoiled part was taken and smeared across my face and down my arms, to teach me the value of money. Fast-forward many years. Now I have my own earnings. My favorite shops are Nordstrom and Anthropologie [where I shop] on the regular and hide [purchases] in the closet.

Money and feminism US personal finance. Financial bullying can ruin a marriage: first-person stories. Disagreements about money can lead to broken and dependent relationships. Jana Kasperkevic. Thu 14 Aug Quesera 07 August pm. So my question is, who was the financial bully in this situation, me or him?

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Reading the comments here I guess none of the commentators has experienced this. I think it is important to note I had no earnings of my own during this period. Reuse this content.

Married husband away need some fun and cash

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